Men holding off sex sounds like the start of a very bad joke. It sounds like something impossible because stereotypically, men are only interested in sex to begin with. But believe it or not, it can happen. And women can’t help but wonder what the hell has happened now and does it have anything to do with them?
The most often scenario is that the beginning of the relationship was out of this world. The new couple couldn’t help but keep their hands of off each other all the time. Sparks were flying. The chemistry was so powerful you could almost touch it. And they probably couldn’t remember a date that didn’t end up with their bodies intertwining and all of a sudden everything slowed down or their sex life became nonexistent.
The thing is that sparks start to wear off a bit when a relationship gets a bit serious and usually is something spontaneous that both partners in the couple silently agree upon. But what happens when men hold off sex? To answer that, we have found a few possible reasons:
1. Sex overload
This reason is one that no one wants to say aloud, and no one usually does, but it happens more often than one would think. To be specific, it happens when man’s and woman’s sex drive are not synced and there is always one side that wants or needs sex more. At the beginning of a relationship, the couple might have a lot of sex or better said, too much of it so that after a while, it can result in both physical and emotional pain. Sometimes too much of a good thing might turn out to be bad for you.
2. A burdened mind
If a man is stressed at work, has some family issues, is fighting depression or anything else that brings him down and causes some distraction, it will most likely make him unwilling to have sex. He will be more focused on the thing that’s bothering him then he will be on the woman he is with. So don’t jump to conclusions in thinking that you guys lost your passion or that he is uninterested. Look closely at the situation he is in now because it might have a high influence on his sexual appetite.
This is one of the reasons we first think of and dread the most. If a man refuses to have sex with a woman he is in a relationship with, the reason might lie in the fact that he has already fulfilled his needs elsewhere and that there is no need to get some more at home.
Don’t become paranoid either—just because it’s the first thing you think of doesn’t make it true. See the situation you are in and talk to your man without making any premature accusations. Get to the bottom of things but be smart about it. If he is actually cheating, there is no need to stress about it in advance—you are bound to find out eventually.
4. Porn addiction
Some men suffer from porn addiction. They satisfy their needs while watching pornographic material, so they don’t have the need to have actual sex with their partners. And while they look at porn as a quick and efficient way to satisfy their needs and get what they want, they don’t realize that they are missing out in real life and by doing so, are making their partners unhappy.
Also, porn might cause unrealistic expectations about sex, so every real interaction seems boring. If you are on a good path emotionally, not lacking his attention or care, you might want to check his news feed or talk to him about the subject matter. Staying quiet won’t change anything.
5. Fear of being unable to satisfy their partners
If a man is scared that he is not performing well in bed or he had some minor incident during sex, he might be very self-conscious about it. He might even want to quit sex altogether. If he doesn’t get any feedback from his partner about his performance, a man might think he is not good enough and unable to satisfy his partner, and it can have a major influence on his ego and his desires might decrease.
6. Passion downfall
This is usually a trap of long-term relationships or marriages. After some time, the sex life becomes a routine—something predictable and even slightly boring that the couple does out of habit. So they have to work on regaining their lost passion and getting their sex life back on track. But if there are love and open communication, couples will have no problem in spicing things up.
7. Broken emotional connection
Man can be as emotionally attached as women when they are wholeheartedly into a relationship. Also, some men separate sex and emotions. So, while some men will have sex without even considering emotions, others need that emotional connection with their partner to make sex extraordinary. Once they experience that, they won’t have it any other way. So, if a lack of intimacy is the reason why a certain man is holding off sex, then there is a deeper issue to address first.
Men can get self-conscious or insecure about their appearance, too. They might be getting bald, putting on a few extra pounds, or feeling inadequate because of the lack of a six pack. Whatever the reason is, it might influence their desire to get naked even in front of a woman they have been intimate with before. Try giving them a few compliments or by supporting them through some change they already decided to make. A nice word can mean a lot to his self-esteem.
9. Health issues
The reason behind a man’s low desire or no desire for sex can be of a medical nature. A low sex drive might be a consequence of some medications that he is taking (e.g. antidepressants), consequences of some surgery he had to undergo, or any other physical or psychological state that might affect his ability to perform sexually. Men who are in this kind of situation might feel embarrassed to talk to their partners about it but they will most definitely seek medical attention if they see things are not improving.